Sunday, February 28, 2010

Props to Our Ancestors...

Have you ever wondered how the hell our ancient ancestors came up with some foods that we take for granted today? By that, I mean foods that aren't exactly intuitive. An intuitive food like an apple dangling from a tree is a no-brainer.

But, take coffee. There are so many steps you have to go through before you've got a cup of piping hot coffee, that you'd pretty much have to know what your finished "goal" is before you start. It's not as though you'd be walking along some path in the woods, see a bright red berry, and think to yourself:

"Y'know...I wonder what would happen if I picked the seeds from that berry, roasted them, ground them up, added boiling water to it, then passed it through a filter? Might taste pretty good!"

Some pioneer of food preparation had to have done it. But where would the inspiration come from? It's not like that long process would apply to just any berry. When you're eating an apple, do you look at the seeds and think, "I wonder what would happen if I removed all these apple seeds, roasted them, ground them up, and added boiling water to them?" Of course not! It would never occur to anyone.

And then there's bread. I get the idea that people would pick the seed/grains from the wheat chaff and eat 'em, but what would inspire them to mash up the grain to powder, mix it up with water into dough, toss in some yeast/fungus, then put it into a kiln/oven? You'd have to have a lot of time on your hands to get that creative and experimental, and the Neolithic era didn't exactly scream "leisure time". Yet someone did it...

Ahh, well. I suppose when the entire focus of existence at that point in time centered on food, it would be easy to get obsessed with it and get creative.

There. I answered my own question.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

"Procedural" crime drama shows...BEGONE!

What are "procedural crime drama shows", you ask? Oh, you know them:

CSI and its spinoffs, NCIS and its spinoff, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist, Lie to Me, etc.

They possess a pseudo "edginess" (quick edits, gritty b&w "flashbacks", CGI close-ups of crime scene details) that's not so edgy once you realize that they ALL do it and they do it according to strict formulas. The writing, the directing...the plot and characters...all predictable and formulaic. And all conflict is neatly wrapped up at the end of the hour with a lame Top 40 "feel good" song intruding on the scene to remind you that you're supposed to feel happy/sad. Could you imagine Kubrick closing out a film with a Coldplay tune while the characters reflect on a job well done?

Speaking of characters, those of one show are virtually interchangeable with the others. There's the stern "mentor" or straight man who's there to anchor the more "quirky" characters and keep them in line:


And because the producers and writers are either too lazy or cowardly to come up with anything original, appealing, or controversial with regard to the "comic" foils, they just skip characterization and take the easy shortcut to quirky: hairstyles or wardrobe.




"Hey, look! I'm wearing goth makeup/cats eyes glasses and pink-dyed hair/cliched professorial attire and a bowtie! I MUST be a goofy, nuanced character! I mean, ya don't see THAT everyday! What am I gonna do next? WHEW, who knows?? I'm just unpredictable enough to show up for work tomorrow wearing a 'Hello Kitty' t-shirt!"

You might well say "Hey, Willy...don't like it? Don't WATCH it!" Well, that would be fine, except that these shows are all hits. People are actually believing that they're watching quality programming. Which, in turn, spawns more clones, which in turn crowds out all original shows from the TV lineup, just as the reality TV genre has done. Truly original, well-written, brilliantly directed shows will all be relegated to cable or just disappear altogether.

And THAT would suck.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Plastic packaging...

Am I the only person who finds it a daunting task to pry small electronics from their hard plastic packages? Y'know, the ones where they fuse two flat pieces of plastic together with the item in the middle, and your challenge is to pry the bonded plastic apart.


Ultimately, you're forced to resort to using a scissors to cut a path to the product's "cavity" and free it that way. But then you've gotta watch out for cutting yourself on the edge of the cut plastic--yes, it's THAT sharp.

Gr.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

How much of the Olympics will I be watching, you ask?

None! Absolutely none!

This hereby ends the shortest Olympics-dedicated blog you're likely to read anywhere. Savor it.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Google...it humbles you.

Have you ever come up with some "unique" turn of phrase? Some brilliant nickname or catchphrase that you're CERTAIN no one ever had thought of before you?

Well, that's TERRIFIC!

Except...Google it. Oh, go ahead and do it. Surely no one out there is as clever as YOU, right?

But, then you run your original idea through that magical search portal...and...

...sigh.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

YouTube Fun-O-Rama!

Here's a link to a YouTube video I put together of our work's holiday party from last month. Do enjoy the lunacy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=viOYWLsyYVY&hd=1